The insecurities of today are the things we hold on to so tightly. Wrapping our minds, thoughts, feelings and thresholds into a bundle of nerves and never ending feelings of not living up to expectations.
To do lists get overlooked and necessary things moved to another list, the "I can squeeze that into my already jam packed day of tomorrow because I am too dang tired to even think about accomplishing that too today" list.
When things are simple in our lives we thrive to feel insane. We can't wait to be busy again to put something in our day to make it feel like we have accomplished more and more. Maybe not everyone is like this, but I know that Kyle and I are. We thrive when we are exhausted and have no idea how in the heck we are actually going to pull ourselves out of bed the next morning when the blessed alarm clock starts screaming the most annoying BEEP.
However it is during this busy time that we find our prayers in hoping for serenity. In taking some things off our plate and letting us sit down and enjoy a book or a cup of tea.
The backwardness of all of this hustle that has been going on at our house lately is just that. Confusing when you aren't busy you wish you were and when you are busy you wish you weren't.
With that said we have been thrown into "special" time together and we try to make sure and really cherish Cohen's bedtime routine and goodnight prayer. We turn off the T.V. more often, and sit on the floor, and make sure to pet the dogs, and we have been making an effort to make quality time happen even amidst the craziness.
But through all this craziness I can't help but think of the evaporated time. Its been 6 months since the day we went to the hospital. 6 months since we came home with this tiny little life. Six months of "should we..." or "I don't know, what does the book say?" Six months of figuring out that we had no idea what we were doing six months ago. Six months... a half of a year. So this is really what people mean when they say enjoy it, it goes by so fast. No doubt every parent enjoys it. They eat up everything from the first smile to the rolling over and everything in between. The thing I think they really mean to say is, "Don't blink". Poof! Its gone... and all of a sudden there you are with grand babies. I look at my mother look at me and think how crazy it must be for her to see me holding a child of my own. Where she once held me and fed me and did everything for me as I do for Cohen now. What a mind reeling event to have a grand baby? Where all these memories I have burned into my head of Cohen on this day and what he did, that will all be my memory and mine alone. He will not take these memories through his life with him, not yet. So I am vowing to my son to make sure that he has SO many memories. We will make crazy fun memories, not so fun ones and an abundance of traditions to live by. Things to make him really know that we were here, in this time, and we love him.
Cohen is doing so much this month. He started rice cereal for the first time, doesn't really like it, but has taken a liking to Oatmeal instead. He is sitting up and pulling himself onto his hands and knees. He found his voice a little bit, saying aba,aba,aba or dadadaa. (Kyle likes the later)
It is so fun watching Father and son interaction, along with Grandpa and grandson interaction. The love just fills the room to the very top. Kyle is always saying, "Sam, watch this." or "Sam, look." or "Isn't he just the best." I nod while trying to finish something else from the day that I never got to because I was doing the same thing earlier. I am not as surprised by everything because I watch him all day. Kyle eats it up though when he gets home. He cannot spend enough time with the little man and that in itself is moving to me.
I know that Cohen and Kyle will have an amazing relationship and that Cohen will learn from his dad how to be an amazing man.
Cohen is really taking on his Daddy's looks. Everyone I talk to thinks he is a spitting image of his father. I see so much of both of us in him. We dug through some old pictures of us around 6 months to see.
I say this a lot but I will try harder to keep you all updated with little tid bits here and there. When I wait so long to write a post I have so much to say that I can never get it all out. So maybe that should be my inspiration to keeping you updated.
Until next time enjoy the recent photos and you tell us... who does he resemble more?
Pictures of Daddy as a baby:
Pictures of Mommy as a baby:
Have a great week and weekend!
