Don't Blink

I have started this post a million times. I have tried to find words to put together, something to say, ANYTHING to say here in this spot. Nothing comes. Its not that I don't have anything to say its just that I don't know what to start with.

The insecurities of today are the things we hold on to so tightly. Wrapping our minds, thoughts, feelings and thresholds into a bundle of nerves and never ending feelings of not living up to expectations.

To do lists get overlooked and necessary things moved to another list, the "I can squeeze that into my already jam packed day of tomorrow because I am too dang tired to even think about accomplishing that too today" list.

When things are simple in our lives we thrive to feel insane. We can't wait to be busy again to put something in our day to make it feel like we have accomplished more and more. Maybe not everyone is like this, but I know that Kyle and I are. We thrive when we are exhausted and have no idea how in the heck we are actually going to pull ourselves out of bed the next morning when the blessed alarm clock starts screaming the most annoying BEEP.

However it is during this busy time that we find our prayers in hoping for serenity. In taking some things off our plate and letting us sit down and enjoy a book or a cup of tea.

The backwardness of all of this hustle that has been going on at our house lately is just that. Confusing when you aren't busy you wish you were and when you are busy you wish you weren't.

With that said we have been thrown into "special" time together and we try to make sure and really cherish Cohen's bedtime routine and goodnight prayer. We turn off the T.V. more often, and sit on the floor, and make sure to pet the dogs, and we have been making an effort to make quality time happen even amidst the craziness.

But through all this craziness I can't help but think of the evaporated time. Its been 6 months since the day we went to the hospital. 6 months since we came home with this tiny little life. Six months of "should we..." or "I don't know, what does the book say?" Six months of figuring out that we had no idea what we were doing six months ago. Six months... a half of a year. So this is really what people mean when they say enjoy it, it goes by so fast. No doubt every parent enjoys it. They eat up everything from the first smile to the rolling over and everything in between. The thing I think they really mean to say is, "Don't blink". Poof! Its gone... and all of a sudden there you are with grand babies. I look at my mother look at me and think how crazy it must be for her to see me holding a child of my own. Where she once held me and fed me and did everything for me as I do for Cohen now. What a mind reeling event to have a grand baby? Where all these memories I have burned into my head of Cohen on this day and what he did, that will all be my memory and mine alone. He will not take these memories through his life with him, not yet. So I am vowing to my son to make sure that he has SO many memories. We will make crazy fun memories, not so fun ones and an abundance of traditions to live by. Things to make him really know that we were here, in this time, and we love him.

Cohen is doing so much this month. He started rice cereal for the first time, doesn't really like it, but has taken a liking to Oatmeal instead. He is sitting up and pulling himself onto his hands and knees. He found his voice a little bit, saying aba,aba,aba or dadadaa. (Kyle likes the later)

It is so fun watching Father and son interaction, along with Grandpa and grandson interaction. The love just fills the room to the very top. Kyle is always saying, "Sam, watch this." or "Sam, look." or "Isn't he just the best." I nod while trying to finish something else from the day that I never got to because I was doing the same thing earlier. I am not as surprised by everything because I watch him all day. Kyle eats it up though when he gets home. He cannot spend enough time with the little man and that in itself is moving to me.

I know that Cohen and Kyle will have an amazing relationship and that Cohen will learn from his dad how to be an amazing man.

Cohen is really taking on his Daddy's looks. Everyone I talk to thinks he is a spitting image of his father. I see so much of both of us in him. We dug through some old pictures of us around 6 months to see.

I say this a lot but I will try harder to keep you all updated with little tid bits here and there. When I wait so long to write a post I have so much to say that I can never get it all out. So maybe that should be my inspiration to keeping you updated.

Until next time enjoy the recent photos and you tell us... who does he resemble more?

Pictures of Daddy as a baby:

Pictures of Mommy as a baby:

Have a great week and weekend!

I realize that some of the pictures are too big for this post. I am working on sizing, please bear with me... I WILL FIGURE IT OUT!

Cohen went in for his 4 month check up on Monday. We were freaking out when the scale read 11.2 oz. WHAT! All the mom in me came out, the worry, the guilt, the frustration. I sat there at the doctors office overwhelmed and not understanding how on earth my smiley happy baby was loosing weight when he should be gaining. I heard things like, "you've dried up", "you're milk supply has gone down", "he isn't getting enough calories", "you'll have to supplement". Needless to say these are not things that a new mom wants to hear.
We left the pediatrician with some sample formula in tow, and headed to the grocery store to pick up some rice cereal quick before an old friend of mine, Lindsey gets to the house.
I hadn't seen Lindsey in 4 or 5 years, and the scene played out a little something like this.
"Hi Lindsey so nice to see you," -says frantic mother with crying baby and barking dogs as she hugs her dear old friend and asks her to come in.
Poor Lindsey not getting a proper hello after all this time gets immediately thrown into the kitchen holding a crying baby and trying to help me make rice cereal and formula. (all the while the dogs are still barking at the new person they haven't met yet.)
I call over Heather our wonderful neighbor to ask if thats really what rice cereal is supposed to look like?
After about an hour of figuring out how to feed the crying baby these foreign things that he is confused and just as frustrated as his mother then the scene settles down.
It was great to have Lindsey over. It has been so long as I already said. Though it was a long time it felt like we hadn't missed a beat. Chit-Chatting and gossiping like old friends. It was great to have re-connected!

Amidst all the chaos happening Monday morning, my new MacBook arrived! I feel obligated to share my amazing experience with customer service through Apple. I have had a MacBook for the past 2 years (probably going on 3 now). I haven't had a ton of luck with mine. I have had to bring it in for numerous reasons, making trips often to the Genius Bar at the Apple Store. I brought it in again a couple weeks ago when it stopped charging. When I got it back on Thursday the previous week it started to freeze up over and over. Finally it stopped turning on all together. I called Apple to explain to them my frustrations with having to bring it in ALL THE TIME and how it just never seemed to work properly. I told them that I had not had a good experience with their products as a first time Apple user. (What do they care? I am just a single person who has a simple MacBook- thats what I thought) I was taken off-guard when the supervisor of the tech I was speaking to offered to send me a brand new computer free of charge! Thats right! You heard me! Excellent customer service, they went above and beyond my expectations and I am so incredibly pleased! Thank you APPLE!

To wrap up the week Cohen gained 9oz. just in a week! He is sittin' pretty handsome at almost 12 pounds. I really wanted to continue nursing him, so I have gone above and beyond to find resources and get information. My current status = 10 pills a day (mostly fenugreek) loads of water and oatmeal ALL THE TIME!)

But if thats what it takes to make a happy healthy baby...Then so be it!!! He looks like he's pretty content and getting pudgy even!

Christmas was FANTASTIC! I swear in the blink of an eye my tiny little guy grew to be a toddler ;). I know that is not possible right. His eyes lit up with the joy of Christmas! I wasn't sure they would this year but they did! He loved the paper on the presents, he loved the presents themselves. he loved talking to Kyle and I and all the relatives. He seemed so old sitting in his exersaucer from Grandpa Bob and Aunt Caitlyn.

After bustling around all morning making desserts and preparing myself and Cohen and Christmas presents, we went to church. There was a live nativity which was so incredibly neat. They even had a camel! Friday night we went to celebrate at Uncle Dave and Aunt Brenda's house. Uncle Dave was dressed like Santa and did a fantastic job of scaring Cohen half to death. He thought he was so funny with his deep voice and his "HO HO HO's" making Cohen hysterical! I think Cohen will forever be traumatized of men in red suits.

Exhausted on Christmas Eve I somehow forged ahead to finish wrapping gifts and getting things in order for the morning. I got all the presents wrapped and got to bed at 2am just to wake up again at 6am to a starving child.

After feeding Cohen and putting him back down to sleep I made my way downstairs to clean the house and prepare the chili for dinner. We then went to Grandma and Grandpa Rohrs house to celebrate Christmas day. Grandpa took us on a tour of his basement where he keeps all of his treasures from garage sales and I was pleasantly surprised by the organization of it all. He had lanterns and old coke signs and skis and snow shoes and you-name-its and what-have-yous. Very neat things. I used to think of the things in his basement as heaps of junk, but after going down there this weekend I think they are sitting on a gold mine. I felt like I was traipsing through a real life Pottery Barn Catalog. I swear I just saw an antique pair of snowshoes in the catalog that were identical to the ones in the basement for somewhere around $300 CrAzY!!!! My Grandpa is very proud of his collection and was very excited to show it off.

We ended Christmas night having Cohen's grandparents and Uncle and Aunts over for some homemade chili and cornbread! It was so nice to have everyone over together. It got Kyle and I itching for a bigger more convenient home. The one we are in will have to do for now though. We cuddled up on the couch after everyone left and we watched Polar Express.

Sunday we stayed in our jammies until 2:00 in the afternoon. We took down all of our Christmas decorations and cleaned and put up curtains that we have been meaning to put up for about 3 months now. It was so nice to just have a day at home and no plans were made. It was peaceful! Sometimes you just need peaceful. We sat with our favorite Christmas present (our little man) and we watched him play with his new things and interact and smile that toothless smile that pulls your heartstrings. We embraced the moment. We don't get many of these lately with such busy-ness all the time. It was nice to soak in the relaxation and just being together and spending time doing well... nothing but making memories.

This Christmas will be one for the memory and history books. Thank you to everyone who made it memorable.

Now LOADS of pictures :) ENJOY!